Original: "However, I argue that twenty-first century Shakespearean adaptations that translate the original text into modern English vocabulary provide new ways to express the same universal social commentaries on love, sacrifice, and ambition for a wider audience, while honoring Shakespeare's innovative wordplay and word-creation with our changing, growing millennial vocabulary."
This thesis is extremely wordy and is an extension of the paragraph before. I altered mine to show the argument that was mentioned prior to the original thesis and to make it more concise. I defined the original thesis as an evaluation claim.
Edited: "Although it can be argued that Shakespeare's words and genius should not be altered, modern day adaptations of his original texts find new ways to honor and express the social commentaries and make them more accessible for a wider audience."
I hesitantly defined my edited thesis as a definition claim. But I could also see an evaluation or causal claim. I wouldn't mind some insights as to what you guys think!
I thought your take on this thesis was excellent. I think you qualified it well when you talked about the argument to not alter genius, and I could also see another side to the statement.
ReplyDeleteI think that your rewritten thesis could be categorized as a comparison claim, as you're comparing Shakespearean language to modern language. Other than that, I thought your evaluation and rewrite was excellent at making the thesis less wordy.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you changed the thesis, definitely made it more clear! And I would have to agree with Jonah that this would be comparison because of the modernization of the text vs. the pure form.
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