I chose to look at the thesis for "The Hypocrisy of Henry V." I am far from being an expert at this thesis-labeling thing, so feel free to correct me wherever it's needed.
Original: "His hypocrisy, then, must be more the result of an awareness--calculations rather than simple charisma, diligence rather than luck--and this is what makes Shakespeare's King Henry such a capable king."
This seems to be causal claim. He explains that King Henry's self-awareness causes his hypocrisy and these things are what cause him to be a capable and successful king.
Edited: "Shakespeare's King Henry is hypocritical but also aware of his abilities and responsibilities and he is purposeful in his actions, which make him a very capable king."
I used this as a definition claim. It focuses more on King Henry's character and his traits rather than what caused those traits to be or how they are shown in the play.
I think you did a great job shifting the original from causal to definition! It made the thesis feel more intriguing and firm.
ReplyDeleteThis thesis was pretty hard for me to even identify in the original paper. I think maybe if you just changed up the beginning and said, "Though Shakespeare's King Henry is hypocritical, his awareness of his abilities and purposeful actions make him a very capable king," it would just clarify a bit. Nice changes though.
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